Anatomy of the Rainspider

Really, I would be quite happy to never, *ever* see a spider again.

I woke up this morning in a grand mood, to the sound of the Dr Horrible theme and was looking forward to a day spent with my family doing whatever it is we do on Mondays. Going for lunch, doing a little shopping, whatever.

Then I looked up, and a fucking rainspider was hunched over the edge of my blinds, and looked like a cross between a gargoyle and a crab. It was ugly, it was huge, and I was terrified.

Needless to say, I edged out of my room via the French doors into the small garden next to my room. But in order to get the doors open, I have to give them a shove, and it always travels through the walls to shake the other door and the window blinds.

Fucking spider has disappeared, and now I don’t know where it is.

I will give it the day to leave. There is no food for it in my room, and I hope it will have the good grace to disappear. Otherwise, I am going to gas the fucker to death with Doom.

(You have to love that product name. ‘Where’s the Doom?’ is a pretty common phrase in my household, and it does make me think of something a bard would ask a wizard.)

I helped a daddy long legs out of my bath the other day, let him climb on my hand and all. And there was one in the shower at my mom’s, abseiling down from the roof. I let him pass and did not smash his ugly face against the wall. So I’m not entirely crippled by this phobia, but you have to admit than rain spiders send even the strongest of people running.

Amusingly, my 2nd Mom is the one who is called to deal with the spiders. My mother will not kill them because its bad luck, especially the bigger ones because they take so long to grow.

Fuck that. I am entitled to one act of slaughter, and that is reserved strictly for rain spiders that overstay their welcome. Especially if they rear their ugly long legs at me.

(Did you know they have spines in their legs to help them grip their prey better? Ick. Yet another reason to not like them.)

Fine, I am aware that they are part of Gaia and have a right to live, etc etc. Which is why it has the day to leave my room and not appear again. A fair deal, I would think.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Spiders must die. All of them. No exceptions. I wish there was a general undo button I could click and that would erase all of these damn critters of the face of the Earth

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